I need to get it out. I feel like I'm going to wake up from this horrible nightmare of a situation and it will be a month ago, back when I was still happy. Just like on that soap opera Dallas. I hope and pray that I wake up, because I want something back so badly that I really want to do anything in my power to get it back, but it seems that same desire is the thing that is keeping me from getting it back.
For nearly 3 months I had and outlet like I never had before, it was amazing, the feeling of freedom, the feeling of doing something right, even if I mess up.
The feeling of true happiness.
And now it's gone, now that my feelings and thoughts are flowing over more so than ever before, now I have nowhere to put them.
The one thing that had been keeping me sane for the past 4 months is out of reach, but not out of sight. This is unbearable in the worst kind of way.
And my friends, bless all of them, are little help. They empathize with me, but provide advice I could get from a fortune cookie. I have no refuge from these feelings, which I have so successfully bottled up for my entire teenage life, and now they are all back to haunt me.
Help.
When words fail me...
He did what?
Life sucks. I don't want to talk about it.
Paper's done, and turned in. I wasn't finished, but it will probably get a C or something.
Well then, isn't that nice?
Well, still not done with that paper, hopefully I can finish it [later today]. But at least i made progress on it today, and about half of it is written, albeit in rough form, on the computer.
I'm keeping it short today, I'm incredibly tired.
Progress
A little annoying
I'm getting work done, but I thought i should put it off for just a few minutes while I update.
I have a paper due Sunday at midnight (Thanks to the internet, teachers can make us waste even less time on a social lives during the weekend), a history paper involving a lot of thinking about philosophical ideas. it's very draining.
It's weird, every time I sit down to do some real, actual work, the desire to push that work away and slack off washes over me. and I usually succumb. It sucks. Even with nothing else to do, I'd still rather do nothing than work. At least I'm realizing this and making efforts to withstand the call of procrastination.
I'm making real progress on the paper, and hopefully I can tear through it tomorrow, given the fact that I have nothing else planned. As if that will stop me from wasting most of the day and pushing the meat of the work into mere minutes. 80/20, eh?
Progress.
Unspoken Sentiments
So, obviously I'm am not keeping this little experiment up to date. It wasn't even useful.
So I am (for lack of a better idea) keeping this as a personal blog, a journal of sorts, and a task list. Lately, I've gotten into the philosophies of productivity, and I love the ideas behind them, but i have no idea how to implement them in my life in any real way.
At the moment, I am a very low output person, in most facets of my life. I am to change that, and maybe keeping this... introspective blog will help me.
Yeah I know, I missed the last two days, I've been going to bed earlier than usual and forgetting to post. I don't really have any news other than the fact that I got a set of golf clubs today. Here's a picture from under my desk to keep you entertained.
Also, Check out the Google Reader link to the right over there to see some really interesting stuff.
I don't wanna grow up, I'm a lazy-ass'd kid
This might be a long one.
I am scared shitless about growing up. I now way shape, or form do I want to go out and try to make it in this fucked up world. Because in all likelihood, I am just going to end up just like all of the other minimum wage, paycheck to paycheck people that 99% of everyone is. If I'm not going to be that 1%, I don't wanna do it. And I know I have incredibly high aspirations for myself, but who doesn't, who doesn't want to be the filthy rich, wipe your butt with wads of cash person whom Television so loves? I know I do, even if I would be unlike any other rich person in the world.
Within the next few days or so I'm going to have to start looking for a job so I can save up to pay for car insurance so I can drive and go do the things I want to do. I don't really mind having a job, but I'm terrified of having to go get one. And really the only places I can work are crappy fast food joints (Jack-in-the-Box, Wienerschnitzel.....McDonalds *shudder*). Wish me luck.
I oops'd
Seeing as how I came up short with my promise to myself to have something interesting today, here's a cool video, which doesn't display properly because the video is wide. Shame.
boring crap.
