When words fail me...

I need to get it out. I feel like I'm going to wake up from this horrible nightmare of a situation and it will be a month ago, back when I was still happy. Just like on that soap opera Dallas. I hope and pray that I wake up, because I want something back so badly that I really want to do anything in my power to get it back, but it seems that same desire is the thing that is keeping me from getting it back.

For nearly 3 months I had and outlet like I never had before, it was amazing, the feeling of freedom, the feeling of doing something right, even if I mess up.
The feeling of true happiness.

And now it's gone, now that my feelings and thoughts are flowing over more so than ever before, now I have nowhere to put them.

The one thing that had been keeping me sane for the past 4 months is out of reach, but not out of sight. This is unbearable in the worst kind of way.

And my friends, bless all of them, are little help. They empathize with me, but provide advice I could get from a fortune cookie. I have no refuge from these feelings, which I have so successfully bottled up for my entire teenage life, and now they are all back to haunt me.

Help.